5 Budgeting Tips

5 Budgeting Tips for Singles By Mary Hiers
It doesn’t matter whether you make $20,000 per year or $200,000 per year. Having a budget will improve your life in the long term.
Unfortunately, the term “budgeting” makes people think of limiting their fun and restricting their choices, but if you take the holistic view, budgeting actually helps relieve constraints and increase life choices.
The financial needs of single people differ from the needs of couples and families, and the needs of single parents obviously differ from those of the single person without dependents.
However, there are several solid budgeting principles that apply to single people of all ages, incomes, and life situations, like these five.

Building an Emergency Fund is Critical

Conventional wisdom says you need half a year’s worth of living expenses socked away for emergencies, but keep in mind that the higher your salary, the longer it generally takes to find a comparable job.
According to the Boston Globe, a general rule of thumb is that it takes one month of job search for every $10,000 you were earning.
Place emergency funds where they can be accessed quickly and without penalty if you need them. Money market accounts and high-interest savings accounts are good choices.
Start your emergency fund even if you can only spare a few dollars monthly.
Any emergency savings is better than none, and if you use direct deposit you’ll be surprised at how little you miss the money you set aside.

Assess Your Need for Life Insurance

If you are a single parent, you need life insurance in the amount of at least ten times your annual salary. Young, healthy people generally pay low premiums.
If you don’t have dependents, but worry that a family member would be burdened by burial and legal costs if you were to die, then you should consider purchasing a term life insurance policy in an amount sufficient to deal with your estate and burial.
Lifehacker has some informative guidelines for determining how much life insurance you need.

Start Saving for Retirement as Soon as Possible

If you’re a young single person, start saving for retirement now.
When you start saving for retirement in your twenties, you set yourself up for a far more comfortable retirement than if you start in your thirties.
Furthermore, as a younger investor, you can take more risk with your 401K portfolio than older people can, and should some of your risks not pay off, you still have plenty of time to recover.
If your employer matches 401K contributions, do not pass up this opportunity.
Those 401K matching benefits are the closest thing you’ll get to free money, and they really add to your personal wealth over the decades.

Use Bi-Weekly Paychecks to Your Advantage

If you are paid bi-weekly, you have another easy opportunity to boost your savings.
Rather than depositing money into savings at the beginning or end of each month, have savings automatically withdrawn from your paycheck.
Chances are you won’t miss it, and at the end of the year you’ll essentially have an extra month’s worth of savings in the bank since you have 26 pay periods in a year.
If you buy a house and can arrange bi-weekly mortgage payments, it’s also a terrific way to pare down that principal over the years.

Never Assume that Marriage Will Fix Your Finances

Don’t think of single life as a precursor to “real” life that involves getting married and having children.
Manage your money effectively as a single person, and don’t ever get into the mindset of, “I’ll budget when I’m married.”
The financial habits you develop now can have an enormous influence on how you manage money should you marry and have a family.
Going into marriage with an emergency savings account, a thriving 401K and limited debt makes the future brighter for both partners.
Real life is right now. Don’t put off adult responsibilities until you have a ring on your finger.
Some single people, particularly very young ones, mistakenly think budgeting is unnecessary if they keep the bills up to date and don’t abuse their credit.
However, the financial habits you develop as a young adult have a massive impact on your future.
Budgeting now will make life easier should you buy a house, get married, or have children, and it can make the difference between a comfortable retirement and a retirement that requires a lot of sacrifices.

Freedom

Freedom

Freedom is measured in so many ways. It may mean having the ability to come and go as you please with no accountability to another, or to make your own decisions about what you want. Small steps, such as a wheelchair ramp, or larger steps like leaving a former safe haven and striking out for the unknown, all represent different types of freedom, as does taking the liberty to speak your mind and think your thoughts without fear of repercussion. So many times, though, freedom gets confused with escaping or running away. True freedom comes from having a sense of running toward something, not from something.

Burdens of our past and present lives can keep us from feeling truly free. We all carry reminders of hated restrictions imposed on us as children by seemingly unfeeling adults, convinced that they had forgotten completely what it was like to be young. Don’t we all long for the carefree days of youth, only to be followed quickly by the remembrance of our anxiousness to grow up? Growing up in an abusive or otherwise unloving environment can keep us from allowing ourselves to become emotionally available to others, locking us in a self-made prison. Only the awareness of the causes of our pain can begin to cleanse us of our reluctance to open ourselves to others and to take steps to create the lifestyle we desire.

True freedom also comes from letting go of all concerns of appearances or approval from others, of having full faith that we are exactly who we are for a very special reason, and that unless we realize that only we alone can dictate a full sense of freedom for ourselves inwardly, we will always seek it outside of ourselves. We find that random actions, another person or another place cannot make us feel free; it is entirely in our hearts and minds, and that acting on our pure knowledge of self will bring us the freedom we crave.

Carina Bachman

How to Cut Your Losses and Move On

How to Cut Your Losses and Move On By Leadership Freak

Trajectory predicts the future.

Minimize the negative impact of laggards by managing them up or out. Give employees on the rise freedom, opportunity, authority, and position.

Experience suggests you have, on average, a 60/40 chance of getting people-decisions right.

You hired them. You’re reluctant to acknowledge that their trajectory points downward.

Hope blinds leaders to hard realities.

Track trajectory:

Every person has trajectory.

Don’t go down with people who are going down. Lift them up or out.

Downward trajectory begins with attitude.

Watch for:

1. Inverted navals. Everything’s about me. I can’t get out of myself.
2. Black holes. Its not that bad. Its horrid!
3. Fat heads. I always know.
4. Life-vesties. Please don’t rock the boat. Change makes my belly hurt.
5. Finger pointers. I didn’t do anything wrong. But, they did!
6. Foot-draggers. I’ll get to that later. Much later!
7. Peacocks. You’re lucky to have me. I’m entitled.

Trajectory is about attitude not skill.

Pour energy into those with passion to improve; cut your loses with those who don’t.

Manage out:

1. Compassion and opportunity to change trajectory.
2. Clarity regarding performance and expectations.
3. Increased oversight and firm accountability.
4. Fewer opportunities.
5. Demotion
6. Removal.

Push laggards to the fringes and major contributors to the center.

Place your hope in people on the rise.

5 foundations of hope:

1. Recent performance.
2. Aspiration for development.
3. Drive to make a difference.
4. Taking responsibility.
5. Elevating projects to new levels.

7 requirements for upward trajectory:

1. Openness to learn, which includes willingness to acknowledge failure.
2. Unreserved buy-in to mission and vision.
3. Transparency regarding motives and intentions.
4. Clear – agreed upon – expectations.
5. Commitment to service.
6. Leveraging their sweet spot where opportunity, passion, and skill converge.
7. Consistent feedback, along with openness to receive it.

Honor people with upward trajectory. You get what you honor

Learning to say "No"

Do you have difficulty saying “no”? Are you always trying to be nice to others at the expense of yourself?

Well, you’re not alone. In the past, I was not good at saying “no”, because I didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings.
For example, whenever I get requests for help, I would attend to them even though I had important work to do. Sometimes the requests would drag to 2-3 hours or even beyond. At the end of the day, I would forgo sleep to catch up on my work. This problem of not knowing how to say “no” also extended to my clients, business associates and even sales people.
After a while, I realized all these times of not saying “no” (when I should) were not helping me at all. I was spending a lot of time and energy for other people and not spending nearly as much time for myself. It was frustrating especially since I brought it upon myself. I slowly realized if I wanted personal time, I needed to learn to say “no”.

Why We Find It Hard To Say “No”

To learn to say “No”, we have to first understand what’s resisting us about it. Below are common reasons why people find it hard to say no:

1. You want to help. You are a kind soul at heart. You don’t want to turn the person away and you want to help where possible, even if it may eat into your time.
2. Afraid of being rude. I was brought up under the notion that saying “No”, especially to people who are more senior, is rude. This thinking is common in Asia culture, where face-saving is important. Face-saving means not making others look bad (a.k.a losing face).
3. Wanting to be agreeable. You don’t want to alienate yourself from the group because you’re not in agreement. So you confirm to others’ requests.
4. Fear of conflict. You are afraid the person might be angry if you reject him/her. This might lead to an ugly confrontation. Even if there isn’t, there might be dissent created which might lead to negative consequences in the future.
5. Fear of lost opportunities. Perhaps you are worried saying no means closing doors. For example, one of my clients’ wife was asked to transfer to another department in her company. Since she liked her team, she didn’t want to shift. However, she didn’t want to say no as she felt it would affect her promotion opportunities in the future.
6. Not burning bridges. Some people take “no” as a sign of rejection. It might lead to bridges being burned and relationships severed.

If you nodded to any of the reasons, I’m with you. They applied to me at one point or another. However, in my experience dealing with people at work and in life, I realized these reasons are more misconceptions than anything. Saying “No” doesn’t mean you are being rude; neither does it mean you are being disagreeable. Saying “No” doesn’t mean there will be conflict nor that you’ll lose opportunities in the future. And saying no most definitely doesn’t mean you’re burning bridges. These are all false beliefs in our mind.
At the end of the day, it’s about how you say “no”, rather than the fact you’re saying no, that affects the outcome. After all, you have your own priorities and needs, just like everyone has his/her own needs. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your time and space. Say no is your prerogative.

7 Simple Ways To Say “No”

Rather than avoid it altogether, it’s all about learning the right way to say no. After I began to say no to others, I realized it’s really not as bad as I thought. The other people were very understanding and didn’t put up any resistance. Really, the fears of saying no are just in our mind.
If you are not sure how to do so, here are 7 simple ways for you to say no. Use the method that best meets your needs in the situation.
1. “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”
If you are too busy to engage in the request/offer, this will be applicable. This lets the person know your plate is full at the moment, so he/she should hold off on this as well as future requests. If it makes it easier, you can also share what you’re working on so the person can understand better. I use this when I have too many commitments to attend to.
2. “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we reconnect at X time?”
It’s common to get sudden requests for help when you are in the middle of something. Sometimes I get phone calls from friends or associates when I’m in a meeting or doing important work. This method is a great way to (temporarily) hold off the request. First, you let the person know it’s not a good time as you are doing something. Secondly, you make known your desire to help by suggesting another time (at your convenience). This way, the person doesn’t feel blown off.
3. “I’d love to do this, but …”
I often use this as it’s a gentle way of breaking no to the other party. It’s encouraging as it lets the person know you like the idea (of course, only say this if you do like it) and there’s nothing wrong about it. I often get collaboration proposals from fellow bloggers and business associates which I can’t participate in and I use this method to gently say no. Their ideas are absolutely great, but I can’t take part due to other reasons such as prior commitments (#1) or different needs (#5).
4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”
This is more like a “Maybe” than a straight out “No”. If you are interested but you don’t want to say ‘yes’ just yet, use this. Sometimes I’m pitched a great idea which meets my needs, but I want to hold off on committing as I want some time to think first. There are times when new considerations pop in and I want to be certain of the decision before committing myself. If the person is sincere about the request, he/she will be more than happy to wait a short while. Specify a date / time-range (say, in 1-2 weeks) where the person can expect a reply.
If you’re not interested in what the person has to offer at all, don’t lead him/her on. Use methods #5, #6 or #7 which are definitive.
5. “This doesn’t meet my needs now but I’ll be sure to keep you in mind.”
If someone is pitching a deal/opportunity which isn’t what you are looking for, let him/her know straight-out that it doesn’t meet your needs. Otherwise, the discussion can drag on longer than it should. It helps as the person know it’s nothing wrong about what he/she is offering, but that you are looking for something else. At the same time, by saying you’ll keep him/her in mind, it signals you are open to future opportunities.
6. “I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?”
If you are being asked for help in something which you (i) can’t contribute much to (ii) don’t have resources to help, let it be known they are looking at the wrong person. If possible, refer them to a lead they can follow-up on – whether it’s someone you know, someone who might know someone else, or even a department. I always make it a point to offer an alternate contact so the person doesn’t end up in a dead end. This way you help steer the person in the right place.
7. “No, I can’t.”
The simplest and most direct way to say no. We build up too many barriers in our mind to saying no. As I shared earlier in this article, these barriers are self-created and they are not true at all. Don’t think so much about saying no and just say it outright. You’ll be surprised when the reception isn’t half as bad as what you imagined it to be.
Learn to say no to requests that don’t meet your needs, and once you do that you’ll find how easy it actually is. You’ll get more time for yourself, your work and things that are most important to you. I know I do and I’m happy I started doing that.

Written by Celestine Chua
 

Depression in women

Depression in Women (Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment)

Depression is not "one size fits all," particularly when it comes to the genders. Not only are women more prone to depression than men, but the causes of female depression and even the pattern of symptoms are often different.

Many factors contribute to the unique picture of depression in women—from reproductive hormones to social pressures to the female response to stress. Learning about these factors can help you minimize your risk of depression and treat it more effectively.

In This Article:

• Depression in women
• Signs and symptoms
• Causes of depression in women
• Risks factors for depression in women
• Treating depression in women
• Premenstrual dysphoric disorder
• Related links for depression in women
• Resources and references

Understanding depression in women

Depression is a serious condition that can impact every area of your life. It can affect your social life, relationships, career, and sense of self-worth and purpose. And for women in particular, depression is common. In fact, according to the National Mental Health Association, about one in every eight women will develop depression at some point during her lifetime.
If you’re feeling sad, guilty, tired, and just generally “down in the dumps,” you may be suffering from major depression. But the good news is that depression is treatable, and the more you understand about depression’s particular implications for and impact on women, the more equipped you will be to tackle the condition head on.

Signs and symptoms of depression in women

The symptoms of depression in women are the same as those for major depression. Common complaints include:

Depressed mood Loss of interest or pleasure in activities you used to enjoy Feelings of guilt, hopelessness and worthlessness Suicidal thoughts or recurrent thoughts of death

Sleep disturbance (sleeping more or sleeping less) Appetite and weight changes Difficulty concentrating Lack of energy and fatigue

Differences between male and female depression

Although the signs and symptoms of depression are the same for both men and women, women tend to experience certain symptoms more often than men. For example, seasonal affective disorder—depression in the winter months due to lower levels of sunlight—is more common in women. Also, women are more likely to experience the symptoms of atypical depression.
In atypical depression, rather than sleeping less, eating less, and losing weight, the opposite is seen: sleeping excessively, eating more (especially carbohydrates), and gaining weight. Feelings of guilt associated with depression are also more prevalent and pronounced in women. Women also have a higher incidence of thyroid problems. Since hypothyroidism can cause depression, this medical problem should always be ruled out by a physician in women who are depressed.

Differences between male and female depression
Women with depression tend to:	Men with depression tend to:
Blame themselves	Blame others
Feel sad, apathetic, and worthless	Feel angry, irritable, and ego inflated
Feel anxious and scared	Feel suspicious and guarded
Avoid conflicts at all costs	Create conflicts
Feel slowed down and nervous	Feel restless and agitated
Have trouble setting boundaries	Need to feel in control at all costs
Find it easy to talk about self-doubt and despair	Find it “weak” to admit self-doubt or despair
Use food, friends, and "love" to self-medicate	Use alcohol, TV, sports, and sex to self-medicate
Adapted from: Male Menopause by Jed Diamond

Causes of depression in women

Women are about twice as likely as men to suffer from depression. This two-to-one difference persists across racial, ethnic, and economic divides. In fact, this gender difference in rates of depression is found in most countries around the world. There are a number of theories that attempt to explain the higher incidence of depression in women. Many factors have been implicated, including biological, psychological, and social factors.

Biological and hormonal causes of depression in women

• Premenstrual problems - Hormonal fluctuations during the menstrual cycle can cause the familiar symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS), such as bloating, irritability, fatigue, and emotional reactivity. For many women, PMS is mild. But for some women, symptoms are severe enough to disrupt their lives and a diagnosis of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is made.
• Pregnancy and infertility - The many hormonal changes that occur during pregnancy can contribute to depression, particularly in women already at high risk. Other issues relating to pregnancy such as miscarriage, unwanted pregnancy, and infertility can also play a role in depression.
• Postpartum depression - Many new mothers experience the “baby blues.” This is a normal reaction that tends to subside within a few weeks. However, some women experience severe, lasting depression. This condition is known as postpartum depression. Postpartum depression is believed to be influenced, at least in part, by hormonal fluctuations.
• Perimenopause and menopause - Women may be at increased risk for depression during perimenopause, the stage leading to menopause when reproductive hormones rapidly fluctuate. Women with past histories of depression are at an increased risk of depression during menopause as well.

Psychological causes of depression in women

• Focusing on and rehashing negative feelings - Women are more likely to ruminate when they are depressed. This includes crying to relieve emotional tension, trying to figure out why you’re depressed, and talking to your friends about your depression. However, rumination has been found to maintain depression and even make it worse. Men, on the other hand, tend to distract themselves when they are depressed. Unlike rumination, distraction can reduce depression.
• Stress - Some studies show that women are more likely than men to develop depression under lower levels of stress. Furthermore, the female physiological response to stress is different. Women produce more stress hormones than men do, and the female sex hormone progesterone prevents the stress hormone system from turning itself off as it does in men.
• Body image issues - The gender difference in depression begins in adolescence. The emergence of sex differences during puberty likely plays a role. Some researchers point to body dissatisfaction, which increases in girls during the sexual development of puberty.

Treating depression in women

For the most part, women suffering from depression receive the same types of treatment as everyone else. The main treatment approaches are psychotherapy and antidepressant therapy. However, there are some special treatment considerations for depression in women.

Depression, hormones, and the reproductive cycle

Hormone fluctuations related to the reproductive cycle can have a profound influence on a woman’s mood. In light of this possibility, you and your doctor should always look for connections between your depressive symptoms and the female reproductive cycle.

• Is your depression connected to your menstrual period and a possible effect of PMS?
• Are you pregnant and struggling with complications and concerns related to the vast changes you and your body are undergoing?
• Are you struggling with the baby blues after recently giving birth?
• Or are you approaching menopause and dealing with hormonal and emotional fluctuations?

All of these milestones in the reproductive cycle can influence or trigger depression. It’s also important to consider mood-related side effects from birth control medication or hormone replacement therapy.

How depression treatment is different for women

Specific aspects of treatment must often be modified for women. Because of female biological differences, women should generally be started on lower doses of antidepressants than men. Women are also more likely to experience side effects, so any medication use should be closely monitored.
Finally, women are more likely than men to require simultaneous treatment for other conditions such as anxiety disorders and eating disorders.

Self-help for depression in women

Learn how to use your emotions more effectively

See 3-min. video: Developing emotional awareness

You can make a huge dent in your depression with simple lifestyle changes: exercising every day, avoiding the urge to isolate, eating healthy food instead of the junk you crave, and carving out time for rest and relaxation.
Feeling better takes time, but you can get there if you make positive choices for yourself each day and draw on the support of others.

• Talk about your feelings to someone you trust. Share what you’re going through with the people you love and trust. Ask for the help and support you need. You may have retreated from your most treasured relationships, but they can get you through this tough time.
• Try to keep up with social activities even if you don’t feel like it. When you’re depressed, it feels more comfortable to retreat into your shell. But being around other people will make you feel less depressed.
• Get up and moving. Studies show that regular exercise can be as effective as antidepressant medication at increasing energy levels and decreasing feelings of fatigue. You don’t have to hit the gym. A 30-minute walk each day will give you a much-needed boost.
• Aim for 8 hours of sleep. Depression typically involves sleep problems. Whether you’re sleeping too little or too much, your mood suffers. Get on a better sleep schedule by learning healthy sleep habits.
• Expose yourself to a little sunlight every day. Lack of sunlight can make depression worse. Make sure you’re getting enough. Take a short walk outdoors, have your coffee outside, enjoy an al fresco meal, people-watch on a park bench, or sit out in the garden.
• Practice relaxation techniques. A daily relaxation practice can help relieve symptoms of depression, reduce stress, and boost feelings of joy and well-being. Try yoga, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder

Most women are all too familiar with premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Unwelcome symptoms of PMS such as bloating, moodiness, and fatigue appear and reappear each month at the same time in the menstrual cycle. For most women, these premenstrual symptoms are uncomfortable but not disabling. But for up to one out of ten women, symptoms are so distressing and disabling that they warrant a diagnosis of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). PMDD is characterized by severe depression, irritability, and other mood disturbances. Symptoms begin about 10 to 14 days before your period and improve within a few days of its start.

Symptoms of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder
Feelings of sadness or hopelessness Feelings of tension or anxiety Panic attacks Mood swings and tearfulness Persistent irritability or anger Disinterest in daily activities and relationships	Trouble concentrating Fatigue or low energy Food cravings or binge eating Sleep disturbances Feeling out of control Physical symptoms (bloating, breast tenderness, headaches, muscle pain)

Self-help for PMDD

There are many steps you can take to improve PMDD symptoms. Many involve simple lifestyle adjustments.

• Exercise - Regular aerobic exercise can reduce the symptoms of PMDD.
• Dietary modifications - Changes to your diet may help reduce symptoms. Cutting back on salt, fatty foods, caffeine, and alcohol is recommended. Eating plenty of complex carbohydrates is also recommended.
• Nutritional supplements - Vitamin B-6, calcium, magnesium, Vitamin E, and tryptophan have all been shown to benefit women suffering from PMDD.
• Herbal remedies - Evening primrose oil and chaste tree berry are herbal supplements that have both been studied and found to be effective in the treatment of PMDD.
• Stress reduction - Relaxation techniques and other strategies to reduce stress may help with PMDD symptoms. Yoga and meditation are particularly effective.

12 Ways to Become Extraordinary

12 Ways to Become Extraordinary By Leadership Freak

Some leaders become extraordinary. But, average is normal.

You climb and struggle toward extraordinary. Mediocrity is a comfortable slide.

Pain is the point where average becomes extraordinary.

Extraordinary leadership requires:

1. Fierce focus.
2. Finely honed skills.
3. Fanatical commitment.

Extraordinary leaders are always falling short. Only the average arrive.

Average leaders:

1. Look for minimums. “What’s the least we have to do.”
2. Wonder why extraordinary leaders work so hard.
3. Ease up when things are going well.
4. Rest on titles and past performance.
5. Accept “good enough.”
6. Make excuses.
7. Drift, delay, and postpone.

Average leaders say, “Good enough.”
Extraordinary leaders say, “How can we be better.”

12 ways to become extraordinary:

1. Invest inordinate amounts of time and energy into self-development.
2. Endure ridicule from the mediocre. “I can’t believe you put that much time into your presentation.” “Why don’t you just relax?”
3. Despise mediocrity.
4. Enjoy constructive criticism, instruction, and practice.
5. Reject the idea you can excel at many things. Being a jack of all trades and master of none is unacceptable to extraordinary leaders.
6. Understand that falling short is normal when you’re reaching higher.
7. Deal quickly and aggressively with failure. Extraordinary leaders investigate their failures with a fine tooth comb.
8. Look for opportunity, not excuses.
9. Get uncomfortable when you feel comfortable.
10. Pressure yourself.
11. Become fanatical about details.
12. Fear failure.

Becoming an extraordinary leader means working when you don’t have to and improve when others are satisfied.

God's Perfect Timing

 I don't know about you, but I am an impatient type of person and like things done in my own way and in my own time. Are you waiting for God to answer your prayers right now? Maybe you are not waiting for God, but still things are not happening the way you hope or expect them to. Does it seem like your hopes and dreams are never going to be fulfilled? Maybe you are waiting to meet 'Mr Right' or you are longing to have a child? You want that promotion/job at work or you are desperate to buy your own home?

Sometimes it's hard to understand why God doesn't allow things to happen straightaway. An important lesson that I am continuing to learn each day is that God works things out in his own perfect timing. Trusting in God, I believe is the key to success and happiness in life.
Whatever the issue you are facing, first bring it to the Lord in prayer. Is it really what he wants you to be hoping for? Psalm 37:4 tells us ...

'Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.'

Wow! What an amazing promise. If you delight yourself in God he will give you what you want, that is the desires of your heart. Don't get me wrong, He isn't going to start giving you the best cars, the nicest house and lots of material things, because God isn't concerned with those things. He wants you to 'delight' in Him, ie. to seek Him and to love Him and spend time with Him in prayer and Bible study. If you are seeking after God in this way, the desires you'll have will be to serve him and to always live according to what the Bible says. It is important that you trust in God's word and not rely solely on your feelings, for example, God won't give you the desire to date or marry a non-believer ... 1 Corinthians 6:14 ..'Do not be yoked together with unbelievers'.
God has promised to give you the desires of your heart, but it may take a while for those desires to come to fruition. Psalm 37 goes on to say ...

'Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.' (NIV).

Commit your hopes and dreams to God. The most important point to remember is that God loves you. You are His child and He wants the best things for you.
God will work things out in your life if you trust in him. It is possible that you may have to go through certain trials and wait for his answers ... 'And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.' Romans 8:28 (NKJV).
God has plans for your life. He knows everything about you. He made you. He loves you, as the following selection of verses from Psalm 139 confirms ...

'O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.'

Remember, God has plans for your life and wants the best for you. He allowed his Son to die so that your sins could be forgiven. In Jeremiah 29:11 is says ... 'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'
The hope and promise that God gives us is that one day we will spend eternity with him in Heaven. This life on earth is temporary. What an amazing hope this is. But for now while we live on earth we need to seek after God and wait for God's perfect timing.
.

'But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.' (Isaiah 40:31) (NKJV).

Wait on the Lord. Be patient. Trust in God's perfect timing and he will answer you. Then you will hear him directing you

'Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it.' (Isaiah 30:21)

We need to wait on the Lord and trust that his perfect timing is best. God's word warns us not to try and speed things up and do things in our own strength ... 'There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.' (Proverbs 16:25)
There is a right time for everything. A right time to get married, a right time to have a baby, a right time to do everything. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says ...

'There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.' (NIV).

God's answer to your prayer maybe to wait for a time before he gives you your desires. Every gift that comes from God is worth waiting for. In the Bible, there are lots of examples of God providing women's deepest desires. In 1 Samuel we read how Hannah wept and prayed out of great anguish before the Lord for a child and God answered her prayers. In the book of Esther we read how God called Esther to a position of influence for 'such a time' and used her to save the Jewish people.
Habakkuk 2:3 tells us ...

'For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.'