God's Perfect Timing

 I don't know about you, but I am an impatient type of person and like things done in my own way and in my own time. Are you waiting for God to answer your prayers right now? Maybe you are not waiting for God, but still things are not happening the way you hope or expect them to. Does it seem like your hopes and dreams are never going to be fulfilled? Maybe you are waiting to meet 'Mr Right' or you are longing to have a child? You want that promotion/job at work or you are desperate to buy your own home?

Sometimes it's hard to understand why God doesn't allow things to happen straightaway. An important lesson that I am continuing to learn each day is that God works things out in his own perfect timing. Trusting in God, I believe is the key to success and happiness in life.
Whatever the issue you are facing, first bring it to the Lord in prayer. Is it really what he wants you to be hoping for? Psalm 37:4 tells us ...

'Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.'

Wow! What an amazing promise. If you delight yourself in God he will give you what you want, that is the desires of your heart. Don't get me wrong, He isn't going to start giving you the best cars, the nicest house and lots of material things, because God isn't concerned with those things. He wants you to 'delight' in Him, ie. to seek Him and to love Him and spend time with Him in prayer and Bible study. If you are seeking after God in this way, the desires you'll have will be to serve him and to always live according to what the Bible says. It is important that you trust in God's word and not rely solely on your feelings, for example, God won't give you the desire to date or marry a non-believer ... 1 Corinthians 6:14 ..'Do not be yoked together with unbelievers'.
God has promised to give you the desires of your heart, but it may take a while for those desires to come to fruition. Psalm 37 goes on to say ...

'Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.' (NIV).

Commit your hopes and dreams to God. The most important point to remember is that God loves you. You are His child and He wants the best things for you.
God will work things out in your life if you trust in him. It is possible that you may have to go through certain trials and wait for his answers ... 'And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.' Romans 8:28 (NKJV).
God has plans for your life. He knows everything about you. He made you. He loves you, as the following selection of verses from Psalm 139 confirms ...

'O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.'

Remember, God has plans for your life and wants the best for you. He allowed his Son to die so that your sins could be forgiven. In Jeremiah 29:11 is says ... 'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'
The hope and promise that God gives us is that one day we will spend eternity with him in Heaven. This life on earth is temporary. What an amazing hope this is. But for now while we live on earth we need to seek after God and wait for God's perfect timing.
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'But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.' (Isaiah 40:31) (NKJV).

Wait on the Lord. Be patient. Trust in God's perfect timing and he will answer you. Then you will hear him directing you

'Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it.' (Isaiah 30:21)

We need to wait on the Lord and trust that his perfect timing is best. God's word warns us not to try and speed things up and do things in our own strength ... 'There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.' (Proverbs 16:25)
There is a right time for everything. A right time to get married, a right time to have a baby, a right time to do everything. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says ...

'There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.' (NIV).

God's answer to your prayer maybe to wait for a time before he gives you your desires. Every gift that comes from God is worth waiting for. In the Bible, there are lots of examples of God providing women's deepest desires. In 1 Samuel we read how Hannah wept and prayed out of great anguish before the Lord for a child and God answered her prayers. In the book of Esther we read how God called Esther to a position of influence for 'such a time' and used her to save the Jewish people.
Habakkuk 2:3 tells us ...

'For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.'

30 ways to find TRANQUILITY in your DAY

30 ways to find TRANQUILITY in your DAY

IN A WORLD OF BUSY BUSY BUSY...
I'd thought I'd share these simple tips to help you find a little tranquility in your day...

1. Have a totally computer-free day ~ it's amazing what you'll achieve {other than work} and how you will unwind

2. Brew a cup of tea ~ the whole making process is actually quite relaxing

3. Pop some popcorn & enjoy that DVD you’ve been dying to watch {even if it didn't get great reviews}

4. Take an afternoon nap, in bed!

5. Listen to music {soothing, possibly without lyrics}

6. Relax near water {paddle around in a kayak, walk along the river, stroll along the beach}

7. Treat yourself to a spa treatment {pedicure, facial or massage}

8. Get a good nights sleep ~ sip a mug of warm milk before you hit the pillow

9. Take your dog for a walk ~ they'll love you for it and it will do you the world of good

10. Practice yoga ~ CLICK HERE for some positions

11. Gather a stack of magazines and allow yourself to flick through them at will ~ rip out anything you fancy

12. Cook your favourite meal and add a glass of wine {or two}

13. Order take-out and watch a marathon your favourite guilty-pleasure TV series

14. Take a bubble bath by candlelight

15. Snuggle!

16. Make cookies and enjoy them with cold cold milk

17. Do something creative – write, draw, dance – and allow yourself to get lost in the doing

18. Visit a new art exhibit ~ or the museum

19. Treat yourself to a cooking class ~ a great way to meet new people

20. Visit your local farmer’s or fish market

21. Allow yourself to laugh out loud

22. Go to a cafe and savour your coffee while people watching or reading the daily newspaper

23. Work in the garden – dig in the dirt

24. Bring fresh flowers home – place one singular flower in a bud vase by your bed and office space as well as bouquets in the family areas

25. Get your make-up done at your local department store {just don't buy every product they suggest}

26. Enjoy high-tea with a friend at a city hotel

27. Allow yourself {keeping your budget in mind} to buy those earrings, shoes or frock, that you’ve been lusting over

28. Visit a botanical garden and take a picnic basket {packed with wine & cheese}

29. Keep a journal {it doesn’t have to be about the day-to-day, it can be a list of things you're grateful for, favourite quotes and ideas that inspire you}

30. Savour the decadence of a handmade chocolate {or three} and just be!

Characteristics of Abusers

If the person you love or live with does these things, it’s time to get help:

• Keeps track of what you are doing all the time and criticizes you for little things.
• Constantly accuses you of being unfaithful.
• Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family, or going to work or school.
• Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs.
• Controls all the money you spend.
• Humiliates you in front of others.
• Destroys your property or things that you care about.
• Threatens to hurt you or the children or pets, or does cause hurt (by hitting, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting).
• Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you.
• Forces you to have sex against your will.
• Blames you for his/her violent outbursts.

Characteristics of Abusers...Warning signs of potential violence:

• Abuser pacing the floor
• Clenching/unclenching fists
• Facial expression (glaring)
• Shouting/yelling

Always be conscious of your own safety needs in all interactions involving an abusive person. Do not meet privately with a violence-prone individual. If you must do so, be sure someone is available close by in case you need help.

Abusers frequently have the following characteristics:

• Often blow up in anger at small incidents. He or she is often easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really very angry.
• Are excessively jealous: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser may claim that jealousy is a sign of his or her love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love.
• Like to isolate victim: He or she may try to cut you off from social supports, accusing the people who act as your support network of "causing trouble."
• Have a poor self-image; are insecure.
• Blame others for their own problems.
• Blame others for their own feelings and are very manipulative. An abusive person will often say "you make me mad", "you’re hurting me by not doing what I ask", or "I can’t help being angry".
• Often are alcohol or drug abusers.
• May have a family history of violence.
• May be cruel to animals and/or children.
• May have a fascination with weapons.
• May think it is okay to solve conflicts with violence.
• Often make threats of violence, breaking or striking objects.
• Often use physical force during arguments.
• Often use verbal threats such as, "I’ll slap your mouth off", "I’ll kill you", or "I’ll break your neck". Abusers may try to excuse this behaviour by saying, "everybody talks like that".
• May hold rigid stereotypical views of the roles of men and women. The abuser may see women as inferior to men, stupid, and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.
• Are very controlling of others. Controlling behaviours often grow to the point where victims are not allowed to make personal decisions.
• May act out instead of expressing themselves verbally.
• May be quick to become involved in relationships. Many battered women dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together.
• May have unrealistic expectations. The abuser may expect his or her partner to fulfill all his or her needs. The abusive person may say, “If you love me, I’m all you need- you’re all I need".
• May use "playful" force during sex, and/or may want to act out sexual fantasies in which the victim is helpless.
• May say things that are intentionally cruel and hurtful in order to degrade, humiliate, or run down the victim’s accomplishments.
• Tend to be moody and unpredictable. They may be nice one minute and the next minute explosive. Explosiveness and mood swings are typical of men who beat their partners.
• May have a history of battering: the abuser may admit to hitting others in the past, but will claim the victim “asked for” it. An abuser will beat any woman he is with; situational circumstances do not make a person abusive.

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How dangerous is the abuser? Assessing lethality in an abuse situation:

Some domestic violence is life threatening. All domestic violence is dangerous, but some abusers are more likely to kill than others and some are more likely to kill at specific times. The likelihood of homicide is greater when the following factors are present:

1. Threats of homicide or suicide: The abuser may threaten to kill himself, the victim, the children, relatives, friends, or someone else;
2. Plans for homicide or suicide: The more detailed the abuser’s plan and the more available the method, the greater the risk he will use deadly force;
3. Weapons: The abuser possesses weapons, and has threatened to use them in the past against the victim, the children, or himself. If the abuser has a history of arson, fire should be considered a weapon;
4. "Ownership" of the victim: The abuser says things like "If I can’t have you no one can" or "I would rather see you dead than have you divorce me". The abuser believes he is absolutely entitled to the obedience and loyalty of the victim;
5. Centrality of victim to the abuser: The abuser idolizes the victim, depending heavily on him or her to organize and sustain the abuser’s life, or the abuser isolates the victim from outside supports;
6. Separation violence: The abuser believes he is about to lose the victim;
7. Repeated calls to law enforcement: A history of violence is indicated by repeated police involvement;
8. Escalation of risk-taking: The abuser has begun to act without regard to legal or social consequences that previously constrained his violence; and
9. Hostage taking: He is desperate enough to risk the life of innocent persons by taking hostages. There is a very serious likelihood of the situation turning deadly.

Battered and Abused Men:

Most of us recognize that men experience verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of women, less well accepted or admitted is the fact of physical abuse. In our society, we think of women as the victims and men as the aggressors in physical abuse. The fact that women are more likely to be severely injured in domestic violence adds to the problem of recognizing male abuse. Nevertheless, it happens - frequently. In fact, men are just as likely to be seriously injured when a woman becomes violent because women are more likely to use weapons in the course of an assault. If a male client indicates that his girlfriend or partner assaulted him, believe him. A man will find it harder to discuss his pain with you than will a woman, and even harder to admit to being a victim. It is easier to attribute an injury to a sports mishap or workplace accident than to admit to a doctor or police officer it resulted from domestic violence.

Facts:

1. Fewer men report abuse. They are ashamed to report being abused by women.
2. Health care and law enforcement professionals are more likely to accept alternative explanations of abuse from a man. They will believe other reasons for the presence of bruises and other signs of injury.
3. Our justice system often takes the word of the woman above the word of the man in abuse cases. It is just more believable that the aggressor was the man, not the woman.
4. Men are more likely to tolerate the pain of abuse than women. They "grin and bear it” more. And again, many are ashamed to seek medical help for abuse.
5. Unless a woman uses a weapon, she usually does not have the strength to inflict injury.

Abused men are as likely as their female counterparts are to have low self-esteem. People can come to believe that they are somehow responsible for what happened. People cling to the hope that things will get better: that the woman he "loves" will quit when their relationship is better adjusted, or the children get older and show more responsibility. These are all pretty much the same excuses women make for remaining with men who batter them.

Are you abused? Does the person you love…

• "Track" all of your time?
• Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful?
• Discourage your relationships with family and friends?
• Prevent you from working or attending school?
• Criticize you for little things?
• Become angry easily when drinking or abusing drugs?
• Control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?
• Humiliate you in front of others?
• Destroy your personal property or items with sentimental value?
• Hit, punch, slap, kick, or bite you or the children?
• Use or threaten to use a weapon against you?
• Threaten to hurt you or hurt the children?
• Force you to have sex against your will?

Below is a list of things Jerry can do to help himself:

• Tell friends he trusts.
• Make safety arrangements such as:
  • Leaving the relationship;
  • Finding a safe place to go; and
  • Changing his phone number and/or locks.
• Telephone a domestic violence hotline or shelter and:
  • Talk to a worker;
  • Find out about his legal rights; or
  • See a counsellor - separately or with Lisa.
• Gain the support of witnesses, when possible.
• Take notes detailing dates, times and what occurred.
• Phone 911 when Lisa becomes physically abusive.

Abuse Checklists:

Below is a self-assessment quiz to help you determine if you are being abused. You may be suffering abuse even if you answer, “Yes” to only a few questions.

You may be becoming or already are a victim of abuse if you:

• Feel like you have to "walk on eggshells" to keep him/her from getting angry and are frightened by his/her temper.
• Feel you can't live without him/her.
• Stop seeing other friends or family, or give up activities you enjoy because he/she doesn't like them.
• Are afraid to tell him/her your worries and feelings about the relationship.
• Are often compliant because you are afraid to hurt his/her feelings; and have the urge to "rescue" him/her when he/she is troubled.
• Feel that you are the only one who can help him/her and that you should try to "reform" him/her.
• Find yourself apologizing to yourself or others for your partner's behaviour when you are treated badly.
• Stop expressing opinions if he/she doesn't agree with them.
• Stay because you feel he/she will kill him/herself if you leave.
• Believe that his/her jealousy is a sign of love.
• Have been kicked, hit, shoved, or had things thrown at you by him/her when he/she was jealous or angry.
• Believe the critical things he/she says to make you feel bad about yourself.
• Believe that there is something wrong with you if you don't enjoy the sexual things he/she makes you do.
• Believe in the traditional ideas of what a man and a woman should be and do -- that the man makes the decisions and the woman pleases him.

Our Deepest Fear

Our Deepest Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."

~ Marianne Williamson - from "A Return To Love"

REMOVING BITTERNESS FROM YOUR LIFE

REMOVING BITTERNESS FROM YOUR LIFE

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32
Bitterness and resentment are poisons that destroy our lives. We have all been hurt or caused hurt to someone else. Yes, it hurts very badly, so we want to retaliate and hurt them for hurting us. What we usually end up doing is hurting someone else because of the discretion of another who had nothing to do with hurting us. As we all know, “hurt people hurt other people.”
Sadly, we usually become the thing we hate in someone else if we don’t forgive and let go of bitterness and resentment. We have been cheated on so we cheat on someone else; we have been abused, so we abuse others. When we are in bitterness, we move over into hate, which is akin to a heart to murder someone out of anger.
I once knew a woman who was sexually abused by her father, and was also later raped. As one can imagine, sexual abuse and rape is very painful and can cause various other issues. Out of her bitterness, resentment, and inability to forgive she became sexually promiscuous in an effort to punish men for the pain of her sexual abuse and rape. The last time we spoke several years ago, she stated she had been with over 65, men and half of those were within a six -month span of deep resentment and anger. She also had the mindset of “Men do it, why can’t women?” You see, her pain is associated with men; because of her bitterness, she hates or is distrustful of all men.
Please don’t live your life scarred, or playing victim. What is most important is that we judge ourselves and make the necessary corrections about ourselves. I am a firm believer that our pain is 90% self-inflicted. We have to always check our motives for wanting people in our life and ask ourselves if these motives are healthy. For example, did you want to explore a relationship because you just wanted companionship or sex? Was it lust based on sex or physical attraction? Money? His or her career, or social standing? Many times, we attract the wrong people because we are the wrong person for ourselves. You see, bad motives or selfish desires will produce negative results every time.
Even when our motives are pure we have to first make sure we are emotionally healthy enough to have a relationship. We have to first, heal from past pain and unresolved issues. Only then can we learn to be happy alone and love self before we can love anyone else.
God has given you the authority to set yourself free and release yourself from bitterness and pain. Please don’t allow injustices of other people to cause you to miss out on God’s best for your life. I was in a relationship once where I struggled to forgive the woman because I felt so, betrayed and used by her. Ultimately, it destroyed the relationship. I know first- hand how hard it is to forgive someone. I’ve cried many nights until my pillow was washed in tears. I deeply understand disappointment, pain and struggling to forgive myself and the people who hurt me. Walking around angry and bitter about who has hurt you causes you to live that pain daily. As long as you are bitter you will repeal happiness and peace in your life.

Here are ten tips to overcome bitterness and resentment:

1. Ask God to forgive you for being bitter and resentful. Then ask him to forgive who   has hurt you. “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your father will not forgive your sins. Matt. 6:14
2. Don’t allow the bad that happened to keep you from God’s best.
3. Don’t enter a relationship or date because you will only hurt someone else.
4. Pray daily for God to heal you and research scriptures to study and apply to your life daily.
5. God will bring the justice. Your instruction is to forgive.
6. When you forgive you remove the offender’s power to hurt you. Accept what has happened and understand you have to heal. Seek professional help if necessary
7. Understand that when we continue to walk around hurt and bitter, the people who have hurt us are hurting us every day and in most cases, have moved on and are enjoying life.
8. Allow God to help you forgive and forget. Some of us don’t trust God; thus, we continue living in pain. Don’t forget to continue to ask God to forgive who has hurt you. Ask God to bless their life and heal them as well.
9. Understand that forgetting means you are letting go of what they did to you. It does not mean you have amnesia.
10. Don’t feel or act like you have to seek revenge. The Bible teaches us God will bring us our justice. He knows what was done to you and what you have done to others. “God will repay the exact compensation owed to us. He will settle and solve the cases of his people.” Hebrews 10:30

5 ways to overcome fear

Fear invades like a sudden fog, limiting your view and clouding your reasoning. When you are caught disoriented, can you find your way out? Does fear paralyze you into retreat, or do you know the way to push on? Fear of failure affects everyone. When you recognize it in your own life, you can take these 5 steps to see above it, get through it, and achieve your goals.

1. Identify it. What is it you are most afraid of? Are you worried your business may fail? Are you scared you will never find a special someone, or you will lose your loved one? Do you have personal worries that occupy your thoughts? Where in your life is fear of failure diverting your focus and preventing your success? Pray, think, and listen. Let God show you the fear, and then discover how to be free.
Fear of failure may look like:
Procrastination. Do you wait until the last minute, so your perfectionist self will have an excuse if you do fail? In doing so, you create the failure you hope to avoid.
Inaction. Are your insecurities or uncertainties overwhelming you? Do you allow fear to paralyze you, and miss great opportunities? Fear of success is really fear of failing if you succeed.
Over-reaction. Are you angry, defensive, or acting aggressive? If you are afraid of failure, you might notice your reactions seem harsher than situations merit. Is your fear causing you to react instead of respond to life?
Addiction. Do you manage your stress with self-destructive habits? Are you numbing your fear because you feel helpless to overcome it?

2. Evaluate it. If you stand on unstable ground at the edge of a cliff, fear sends adrenaline through your body and alerts you to danger. You can use that fear to step back to firm ground, or you can ignore it and fall. All the positive thinking in the world will not keep you from falling once your foot slips. Before you use these 5 steps to push on, be sure you should. Fear is your body’s warning siren, and it can go off even when it does not need to sound. Is God using fear to warn you that your choice is harmful, or do you need to press on despite the fear, and triumph through it towards your goals? Life lessons can make you too cautious, and the fear of risk may lead you to miss many wonderful opportunities. Life needs balance. If you determine you need to get past the fear, you can do it!
In order to focus on the positive and press on through the fear, you must first understand it. What is the worst that can happen? Write down exactly what it will mean if you fail. Then look at your answer, and get more specific. If you think the world will end, what do you mean by this? Will you lose your house, your family, your health, or your life? Will you lose your reputation, or create an undesired one? Are you afraid failure will confirm all the negative thoughts you believe about yourself? Are you thinking that by failing, you become a failure? Figure out the messages and warnings your fear sends you.

3. Re-interpret it. Once you know the messages fear sends, create positive messages to replace them. You may fail, but each failure brings you closer to success. Your identity is not dependent on your failures. You are what you decide to be. Face your fear and be a success. Get support from other who will encourage you, but be your own best cheerleader.
Fear is your friend. If it warns you of decisions that do not fit with your life purpose, it helps you live without regret as you change course. If fear tries to cloud your way and you must forge through to succeed, it gives you opportunity to improve, get past your past, and become a better person. The secret to living free from negative effects of fear is to embrace it.
When I first started my own business, I was in a new state, and had no business contacts. I portrayed confidence to other professionals, but inside, I was worried. I made a choice from the start to let God take over the fear. I knew I had made the right choice to move, that I had a sound business plan, and that I had the ability and drive to succeed. I gave up worrying about the rest that I could not control. In reality this meant living on credit cards for the first few months, while I built up my client list. As I earned a reputation for my skill and professionalism, however, my business grew quickly, and I soon had to turn down work. Fear could have kept me from going out and offering my services if I let it. If others had seen a lack of confidence in my ability, they might have felt a lack of confidence in me as well. I chose to attract a positive response with positive thoughts, and to work at it with all my effort. I fought and won.

4. Disable it. Your past influences perception of your present. Like looking through a magnifying glass, danger can appear greater than it is when you exaggerate it because you are still trapped in the fear from your past. Take the insecurity or hurt of your past and fight to remove its strength. Trauma, loss, and painful circumstances all contribute to your view on reality. Even little events can lead to unconscious behavior in your present. As you discover ways fear is magnified disproportionately in your life, bring it back into proper perspective.
As a child I stepped barefoot into a pile of red ants. I still remember the pain that seemed to last forever, and the sadness at missing out on all the camping fun for the day as I nursed my foot. When I later had my own children, I found myself constantly looking for ants, and worried about where I stepped on every inch of the driveway. It was ridiculous, but I was not even aware I was doing it, until I noticed one of my children looking for ants. I suddenly stopped. They did too. I made a conscious choice to change this fear and remind myself that the rare experience I had is not easily repeated. Now, as I play with my children outside, we just have fun. If we spot a group of ants, we avoid them, but it is the last thing on our minds. Life is too short. Fear is not worth it. It has now lost its power.

5. Use it. What have you lost by letting fear confuse your way? Take the anger or frustration over your reactions and force it to motivate you to succeed in your future. Are you afraid to dream because of what obstacles you might face? Conquer fear and accomplish the amazing things only you can do. Start today. 

By patricia

Encouragement for single parents

25% of households are run by single parents

As of 2011, approximately 1 in 4 households are run by single parents. Whether divorced, abandoned, or single parenting by choice, there are unique challenges single parents face. Not the least of which is guilt.
As a single parent, it is difficult to find a balance between work and family life. Being the sole breadwinner puts a lot of pressure on someone trying to be a full time parent as well.. Missing out on milestones, field trips, being there after school - these are things a lot of working single parents regret. A flexible work schedule is a plus; however, not everybody has that opportunity. How do you deal with the guilt at the end of the day, knowing you missed out on something special your child did, or having your child tell you how much they miss you.

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Set aside one on one time

As difficult as it can be, try to set aside specific time for each child. Even five minutes at the end of the day, one on one, distraction free. A short conversation about the day before bed can be a valuable time to share. Have a child help prepare dinner; cooking is a great way to spend some time together and enjoy some casual conversation. If possible, try to eat dinner as a family. Depending on work schedules, this may be difficult, but even one night a week is beneficial. It is especially important in households with more than one child to ensure that each child has some amount of alone time with their parent.

Pharrell Williams - Happy (Official Music Video)

Five Ways to Connect with Your Beautiful Obsession

 Beautiful obsession is the predecessor of greatness.

The Russian dancer, Mikhail Baryshnikov, considered to be one of the greatest ballet dancers in history, said, “Dancing is my obsession.”

Obsession leads to exceptional.

Obsessed people are interesting; balanced boring.

Everyone has an obsession. But, not everyone acknowledges it. Don’t tame it. Follow it.

Failure to acknowledge your obsession undermines meaningful contribution and devalues your individuality.

Useful:

Not all obsessions are useful.

Embrace obsession that results in service to others. I’m obsessed with leadership. Perhaps you’re obsessed with management, getting results, developing relationships, or making money.

Can you use your obsession in service to others? Follow it. Don’t balance it.

Connecting with your beautiful obsession:

1. If you weren’t worried about losing your job …
2. Deepest recurring frustrations or regrets.
3. Recurring topics of conversation.
4. Persistent interests.
5. If you could make things better, what would you do?

Superiority:

The more obsessed you are, the more likely you look down on those who don’t share your obsession. What’s wrong with them?

You work to mold others into your image or you just give up on them.

Feelings of superiority – something many leaders encounter – aren’t helpful.

4 ways to be successful with your obsession:

Gather teams of obsessed individuals who:

1. Speak up passionately and respectfully.
2. Collaborate, but don’t compromise.
3. Hold to core concerns, but remain open to alternative methods.
4. Celebrate diversity. The danger of obsession is devaluing others. The person obsessed with developing people devalues the person obsessed with getting results, for example.

Remain open to other approaches, even though you’re “right.”

It’s more difficult to manage teams of obsessed individuals. But, a team of strong individuals, who share values, mission, and vision, will go further than a group of conformists.
By leadership freak

MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER

M - O - T - H - E - R
"M" is for the million things she gave me,
"O" means only that she's growing old,
"T" is for the tears she shed to save me,
"H" is for her heart of purest gold;
"E" is for her eyes, with love-light shining,
"R" means right, and right she'll always be,
Put them all together, they spell
"MOTHER,"
A word that means the world to me.



And Grandma's too...
While we honor all our mothers
with words of love and praise.
While we tell about their goodness
and their kind and loving ways.
We should also think of Grandma,
she's a mother too, you see....
For she mothered my dear mother
as my mother mothers me.

10 Powerful Principles of Exponential Growth

 You’ll never know who you might have been if you don’t grow.

Success is about personal growth not techniques, strategies, or methods.

 

Awkward:

Growth feels awkward because it means not yet and not there.

“Not there” is falling short.

Growth is a dance between pressing forward and falling short, at the same time.

Opportunity:

Growth stops when you choose comfort over discomfort. Growing leaders banging against and press through resistance.

Growth is stepping past what you did in the past.

Everyone reaches the point where pulling back feels great. But, leaders who pull back have reached their potential. Leaders who press through resistance, uncover new opportunities for meaningful service.

Growing others:

Your greatest service is growing yourself into helping others grow.

Helping others grow is helping them press through reluctance, face resistance, and risk failure. Everything else is just dabbling.

10 Principles of exponential growth:

1. First efforts always fall short. Those who can’t fail, don’t grow. Those who don’t fall short, didn’t reach far enough.
2. Growth spurts make people feel awkward in their own skin. Think of adolescence who struggle with changing bodies.
3. Help people reflect on their own journey. Enhancing someone’s self-awareness is a great gift.
4. Pulling back is the point where growth stops and circle-running begins.
5. Stagnation is the result of staying the same.
6. Persistent irritation concerning the same issues signals stagnation.
7. People instigate growth. Hang with people who expect more of you.
8. Never underestimate the value of irritating people and negative circumstances.
9. Hold hands and kick butt, at the same time. Environments of growth are supportive but not comfortable.
10. Focus on people who aspire to grow. Only those committed to growth actually grow. Everyone else has an excuse.

BY Leadership Freak

Poverty Is the Leading Cause of Child Abuse

 

Poverty Is the Leading Cause of Child Abuse

In the following viewpoint, the National Coalition for Child Protection Reform (NCCPR) maintains that despite claims to the contrary, poverty is the primary cause of child abuse and the reason many children are removed from their homes. According to the NCCPR, state laws define neglect in such a way that it is clear that neglect is caused by poverty. The NCCPR maintains, for example, that parents who must leave their children alone when they go to work because they cannot afford child care can lose their children for "lack of supervision," but the underlying problem is obviously poverty. NCCPR is an organization that opposes foster care and is committed to reforming the child protective system to make it less disruptive to families.

As you read, consider the following questions:

 

According to the authors, what makes a mockery of the claim that children are never removed from their homes because of poverty alone?

 

What examples do the authors provide to explain why the help offered to impoverished families is sometimes a hindrance?

It is an article of faith among "child savers" that "child abuse crosses class lines." They tell us that we are as likely to find maltreatment in rich families as in poor, but the rich can hide from authorities. But like most child saver "truisms," this one is false. Prof. Leroy Pelton, director of the University of Nevada, Las Vegas School of Social Work, calls it "The Myth of Classlessness."

Like the tailors in the fable of "The Emperor's New Clothes," the child savers have invented a whole group of invisible, middle-class child abusers only they are wise enough to see. Of course there are some middle class child abusers. But the evidence is overwhelming that poverty is by far the most important cause of child maltreatment—and the most important reason families end up in "the system" whether they have maltreated their children or not.

Examining the Evidence

The federal government's Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect (NIS-3) compared families with an annual income of under $15,000 to families with an annual income over $30,000. Their findings:

• Abuse is 14 times more common in poor families.
• Neglect is 44 times more common in poor families.

The study emphasized that the findings "cannot be plausibly explained on the basis of the higher visibility of lower income families to community professionals."
Studies in which all the subjects are equally open to public scrutiny (groups made up entirely of welfare recipients, for example) show that those who abuse tend to be the "poorest of the poor."
The Myth of Classlessness doesn't just run counter to research. It runs counter to common sense. It is well-known that child abuse is linked to stress. It is equally well-known that poor families tend to be under more stress than rich families.

The Problem of Neglect

The gap between rich and poor is widest in the area of "neglect"—which makes up by far the largest single category of maltreatment reports. That's because the poor are included in our neglect laws almost by definition.
What is neglect? In Ohio, it's when a child's "condition or environment is such as to warrant the state, in the interests of the child, in assuming his guardianship." In Illinois, it's failure to provide "the proper or necessary support ... for a child's well-being." In Mississippi, it's when a child is "without proper care, custody, supervision, or support." In South Dakota, it's when a child's "environment is injurious to his welfare."
Such definitions make a mockery of the oft-repeated child-saver claim that "we never remove children because of poverty alone."
Imagine that you are an impoverished single mother with an eight-year-old daughter and a four-year-old son. The four-year-old is ill with a fever and you need to get him medicine. But you have no car, it's very cold, pouring rain, and it will take at least an hour to get to and from the pharmacy. You don't know most of your neighbors and those you know you have good reason not to trust. What do you do?
Go without the medicine? That's "medical neglect." The child savers can take away your children for medical neglect. Bundle up the feverish four-year-old in the only, threadbare coat he's got and take him out in the cold and rain? That's "physical neglect." The child savers can take away your children for physical neglect. Leave the eight-year-old to care for the four-year-old and try desperately to get back home as soon as you can? That's "lack of supervision." The child savers can take away your children for lack of supervision.
And in every one of those cases, the child savers would say, with a straight face, that they didn't take your children "because of poverty alone."

Considering the Cases

Or consider some actual cases from around the country.
 In Orange County, California, an impoverished single mother can't find someone to watch her children while she works at night, tending a ride at a theme park. So she leaves her eight-, six-, and four-year-old children alone in the motel room that is the only housing they can afford. Someone calls child protective services. Instead of helping her with babysitting or daycare, they take away the children on the spot.

• In Akron, Ohio, a grandmother raises her 11-year-old granddaughter despite being confined to a wheelchair with a lung disease. Federal budget cuts cause her to lose housekeeping help. The house becomes filthy. Instead of helping with the housekeeping, child protective services takes the granddaughter away and throws her in foster care for a month. The child still talks about how lonely and terrified she was and about the time her foster parent took her picture and put it in a photo album under the heading: "filthy conditions."
• In Los Angeles, the pipes in a grandmother's rented house burst, flooding the basement and making the home a health hazard. Instead of helping the family find another place to live, child protective workers take away the granddaughter and place her in foster care. She dies there, allegedly killed by her foster mother. The child welfare agency that would spend nothing to move the family offers $5,000 for the funeral.
• In Kearney, Missouri, a single mother loses her job as a home health aide, and then loses her rented house. She and her children travel the homeless circuit, moving from friends, to hotels to shelters. The mother wants something better for her children while she gets a job and a place to live so she asks the state child protection agency for help. Instead of providing help with housing and a job, the children are placed in foster care. On the day the mother gets a full-time job, one of her children, a two-year-old girl, dies. An autopsy report calls the death a homicide. The foster mother has been charged. Now the mother has only photos, and a video of the child's funeral. "I asked for help," she said, "and this is what happened," reports Benita V. Williams.
• In Paterson, New Jersey, parents lose their three children to foster care solely because they lack adequate housing. When the children are returned, one of them shows obvious signs of abuse—bruises and new and old burn marks—in foster care. The parents are suing. And so is their first caseworker. He never wanted the children taken away. He'd even found the family a better apartment. But that's not what his superiors wanted. Indeed, the caseworker says that because he insisted on trying to help the family, and refused to alter his reports to make the parents look bad, he was fired. Why were his bosses so anxious to take away the children? There was a rich, suburban couple ready and waiting to adopt them. And according to the lawsuit filed by the caseworker, a supervisor told him that "children should be taken away from poor parents if they can be better off elsewhere," reports Jennifer V. Hughes.

Even when child savers don't remove the children, the "help" they offer impoverished families can be a hindrance. For such families, demanding that they drop everything to go to a counselor's office or attend a parent education class is simply adding one more burden for people who already are overwhelmed.
Step one to ensuring they can provide a safe environment for their children is offering help to ameliorate the worst effects of poverty. Family preservation programs do just that. And that is one reason they succeed where other efforts fail.

By- National Coalition for Child Protection Reform (NCCPR)

Saying Yes is Harder than Saying No

                 

Don’t pat yourself on the back if you’re skilled at saying no and lousy at saying yes. Weak leaders hide behind bureaucracy and love making people beg.

The more times you say no, the more powerful and protected you feel.

“Definitely not,” is quicker, simpler, and easier than, saying, “Tell me more.” But…

A quick “no” devalues and deflates teammates.

5 reasons leaders consistently say no:

1. You have the wrong people on the team. Leaders release the right people and restrict the wrong.
2. You prefer the safety of the status quo. “Yes” upsets things.
3. You haven’t clearly articulated mission and vision. Off-the-wall suggestions indicate the people in the ranks don’t see the big picture.
4. You minimize the value of diversity.
5. You don’t want to look weak by saying yes, too much.

The good side of “no” is it protects.

3 dangers of off-handed yeses:

1. Diluted resources.
2. Distracted focus.
3. Divided energy.

Leaders who can’t say no end up over-committed, under-appreciated, and ineffective.

Saying yes skillfully:

Forward moving leaders embrace the inconvenience of exploring yes. But, saying yes to everything is foolish.

Rather than a quick no, explore yes.

8 questions to yes:

1. What are you trying to accomplish?
2. How does this align with mission or vision?
3. Who does this idea impact? How?
4. How will this impact what we are currently doing?
5. What resources are required to pull this off?
6. How does this move us toward simplicity and clarity? But, remember new ideas often feel complex at first.
7. Is a test-run appropriate?
8. How will we determine success or failure?

Leaders who say yes end up doing what others want. That’s a good thing.

Leadership tip: Save time and maintain stability by developing and distributing a series of questions that every new idea must answer.

By leadership Freak

Effects of child abuse and neglect

All types of child abuse and neglect leave lasting scars. Some of these scars might be physical, but emotional scarring has long lasting effects throughout life, damaging a child’s sense of self, ability to have healthy relationships, and ability to function at home, at work and at school. Some effects include:

• Lack of trust and relationship difficulties. If you can’t trust your parents, who can you trust? Abuse by a primary caregiver damages the most fundamental relationship as a child—that you will safely, reliably get your physical and emotional needs met by the person who is responsible for your care. Without this base, it is very difficult to learn to trust people or know who is trustworthy. This can lead to difficulty maintaining relationships due to fear of being controlled or abused. It can also lead to unhealthy relationships because the adult doesn’t know what a good relationship is.
• Core feelings of being “worthless” or “damaged.” If you’ve been told over and over again as a child that you are stupid or no good, it is very difficult to overcome these core feelings. You may experience them as reality. Adults may not strive for more education, or settle for a job that may not pay enough, because they don’t believe they can do it or are worth more. Sexual abuse survivors, with the stigma and shame surrounding the abuse, often especially struggle with a feeling of being damaged.
• Trouble regulating emotions. Abused children cannot express emotions safely. As a result, the emotions get stuffed down, coming out in unexpected ways. Adult survivors of child abuse can struggle with unexplained anxiety, depression, or anger. They may turn to alcohol or drugs to numb out the painful feelings.